Minimum Publishable Unit (MPU): "I am speechless. I am without speech"

Kramer: "Jerry, I'm fried!"
Jerry: "Technically, you're sauteed"

I don't know whether the title or the conversation above is more accurate. Day 5 of Insanity is a "Pure Cardio" workout. It started innocently enough with a pretty standard warm-up and stretch. I can feel I am already in a little better condition because I only had to stop completely once during the warm-up. It is good that I stopped because my heart rate was about 165 bpm (90% max). In the last minute of the stretches, the heart rate was down in the low 130's, so that wasn't bad. During the last minute, Shaun T started talking about how "scared" he was about the workout coming up. I started thinking, "Well, that's not going to be good for anyone."

The main body of the workout consist of 15 drills performed for 1 minute each with no breaks built in to the video. The other videos have you going hard for 2-3 minutes, and then you get a break. Not so on this one, my friend. Here is my workout summary:

Suicide drills

Ok, these remind of basketball defense drills.
My heart rate climbed above 160 and stayed there for the next 15 minutes (even during the recoveries).

Switch kicks

This exercise is hard for me. It is the coordination of landing and kicking that makes it difficult. I guess we are working on becoming the next karate kid.

Wide football sprints

This is quick feet with a coach giving the direction to move followed by sprinting in place.
I had my first stop to check my heart rate here -- 172 bpm (94% max).

Stance jacks

This is a cross between a squat and a jumping jack.
I spent most of my time from here on out avoiding the heart rate red line because I am having to relearn my limits. I am not 16, 26, or even 36 anymore.

Pedal

I don't even know how to describe this one.

Hooks & jump rope

We are training to be boxers in this exercise.
I had to take about half this exercise off to recover.

Power jacks

Shaun T said at this point, "It's ok to take a break and gets some water. Check your heart rate monitor."

Level 2 drills

A combination of push-ups, floor sprints, and vertical jumps
"This is about the time Shaun T needs to take a break." - Shaun T speaking in the 3rd person.

Frog jumps

This is just what it sounds like.

Power knees

At this point, people on the video are falling off to take breaks.
Shaun T has to remove his shirt.

Mountain climbers

This is high knees with an added twist.
I was ready to flat out quit here, but I kept going.
I ended up getting a little bit of a "2nd wind."

Ski down

This is jumping side-to-side while using arms for power.
That 2nd wind was a mirage, and no 3rd wind ever showed up.
Shaun T sends one of the guys off to the side to cool down because he knows he is about to pass out.

Scissor runs

This exercise is another tough coordination move for me.
Shaun T calls this a "slight recovery" exercise. I am going to call BS on this one.

Suicide jumps

These are a combination push-up, core work, and vertical jump.
Everyone on the video including Shaun T is about to pass out. They were most definitively as deeply fried as I was at this point.

Push-up jacks

You are trying to do a push-up while hopping off the feet to do a jumping jack at the same time.
I spent most of my time lying on the floor begging for the workout to be over.

It finally ended with my heart rate at 174 bpm (~95% max). We got a 1 minute water break before a long cool down. My heart rate was around 140 bpm (70% max) when the cool down ended. It took 40 minutes after the workout to get it under 100 bpm.

I am happy about 3 things right now: (1) That I didn't do this workout yesterday (I would have quit the whole thing - no joke); (2) Today's workout is over; and (3) Only 1 more workout day in this first week of Insanity. Tomorrow, we do the first repeat of a video. The "Plyometric Cardio Circuit" from Day 2 returns, and after what I just went through, I think I prefer it to today's workout. Imagine that -- preferring a workout that I HATED 3 days ago.